i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
