hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
