i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
a search helicopter?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize