He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
