I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
