Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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