I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize