Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
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If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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