marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
