Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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