I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
