Tell her she can't have a vagina
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
