you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
