How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
