There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
