his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
