guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
