Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
