I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
