You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize