I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
