i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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