I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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