Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
