I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
be right there i have to get my cape
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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