Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
