Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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