It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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