What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
