those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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