my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
