i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
