Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I deserve this hangover.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
