1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
