Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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