it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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