i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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