I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
