I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All the doctor said was why
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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