Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?