Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.