sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.