I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
