Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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