I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize