I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
