Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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