Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
