just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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