I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize