I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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