When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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