Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
