So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
