I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
