Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
