Do vagina's smell?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
