whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
