I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
