Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
operation have a gay friend backfired
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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