the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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