guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
