yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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