I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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