Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
