I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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