So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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