Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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