I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
