I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
