thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize