I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
