I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
