the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
