I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
