i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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