Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I deserve this hangover.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
