I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
