just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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