just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize